How to Care for a Panda
by SomeStoryWriter
Summary: When Yao's health is not what it used to be, Ivan sets up rules on how to care for his beloved panda. Rule number one: No biscuits.
1. How to Care for a Panda

**This started with someone sending a drabble request on Tumblr, then I talked about the drabble on a discord server, and then many many ideas popped up and this just had to be written.**

 **Have a beautiful day!**

* * *

Ivan had been wondering for a while who was attacking the cookie jar. Or the entire snack cupboard, for that matter. He knew it wasn't only his own doing. "Yao?"

"Mm?" Yao was pouring the tea.

"Do you also eat those biscuits?"

A short silence. "No."

"I was just wondering why they run out so soon. If you like them as well, we should put them on the grocery list more often."

"I don't eat them. Maybe you take more than you realize? It's not a big pack, after all. Maybe it looks empty quicker."

"Maybe so." Ivan thought he saw a light blush on Yao's face, but he didn't bother to ask any further.

* * *

When Ivan woke up, the darkness told him it was still night. He tried to pull Yao close, only to discover the other wasn't in bed at all. He closed his eyes again, assuming that Yao was simply on the toilet and would be back any moment.

Ten minutes later, however, Ivan wasn't so sure anymore. He got out of bed and went down the stairs. The light was on in the kitchen and he looked inside from the doorframe.

Yao sat on the kitchen counter, cross-legged, the disputed pack of biscuits in his lap. He munched on one cookie while grabbing the next. He was reaching for another one when he spotted Ivan. "H-how long have you been standing there?" he asked with his mouth full, sliding the pack behind his back.

Ivan smirked. "Long enough." He strolled over to the counter and kissed Yao's head. His skin was cold, which wasn't unusual these days. "So, you're the cookie monster?"

Yao looked at him, trying to pretend his cheeks weren't full. Ivan noticed the bags under his eyes.

"Can I have one?"

Yao revealed the pack and held it open. Ivan picked a biscuit from it, pulling Yao closer by his waist.

Yao chewed and swallowed. "Sometimes I get hungry at night, okay?"

"I'm not judging."

He pulled a couple of empty wrappers from behind his back.

"Yao?"

"I get _very_ hungry, okay?"

Ivan hugged him. "That's because you haven't been eating dinner properly. You keep running back and forth. You need to set aside more time for yourself."

Yao nodded. "Please don't tell Kiku. I always scolded him for snacking at night."

Ivan smirked and kissed Yao on his cheek. "Your secret's safe." He lifted Yao up, who managed to grab the pack of biscuits along.

"Let's sleep, da? We'll take things a bit slower tomorrow."

Yao nodded, grabbing one last biscuit to munch on.

* * *

Yao's head landed on Ivan's shoulder with a light thud. "Is it nap time?"

Yao nodded.

"That's because you get up at night to snack."

He groaned and snuggled closer. Ivan looked around the meeting room. It didn't look like they were going to do anything substantial. "Panda burrito?"

Yao at once unzipped Ivan's coat and positioned himself against Ivan's chest. He wrapped his arms around Ivan's waist and rested his head comfortably against the strong shoulder. Ivan smiled and zipped his coat back up, now covering the both of them. He wrapped his arms tightly around Yao and nuzzled him. Soon enough, he heard Yao's light snores. He continued on some paperwork, making sure not to disturb his panda.

Feliciano came running towards them. "China! China!"

Ivan sent him the coldest glare he could muster.

Italy whimpered and turned on his heels.

Ivan checked if Yao was still asleep and continued with his work.

"Dude!"

Ivan threw his pen at Alfred with such force, that the latter stumbled and fell over. "Ouch!"

Ivan held a finger to his lips.

"Fine, I'll come back later..."

Yao stirred and Ivan quickly lulled him back to sleep. No one had the right to disturb his panda.

Kiku quietly delivered some papers. He knew what Yao was like when woken too early.

When Yao did wake, Ivan nuzzled him again. "Welcome back."

Yao rubbed his eyes. "I'm—"

"Hungry?"

He nodded.

"Left side, the second pocket from above."

Yao searched around before pulling out a bunch of snacks. Ivan prided himself on having his inner pockets filled with anything Yao might need. He watched his tired-looking panda munch. He knew that asking directly wouldn't work, but maybe… "I'm concerned about Ukraine's health lately. Do you think I should tell her to go see a doctor?"

Yao shook his head, chewing. "I don't like Western doctors. Too focused on symptoms alone."

"Then what would you advise?"

"I don't know what her problems are."

"Well..." Ivan pulled him closer. "She's very tired recently. Cold, too. She's also very restless, always either moving around or napping away an energy low."

"Mm. I can't tell for sure without checking her pulse, but I think it's some sort of qi deficiency. Yang, I think."

"What would you advise?" He stroked Yao's cold cheeks.

"Warmth, for sure. Also, plenty of relaxation. Overworking and stress can drain your qi real fast." He licked his fingers. "Also, healthy, organic foods. No sugar or caffeine. Those are stimulants and will drain you."

Ivan just smiled and nodded. He had work to do.

* * *

It was 2 am when Yao woke with hunger. He sneaked out of bed and headed down to the kitchen. He opened the cupboard, but the familiar pack of biscuits was gone. So were all of his other usual snacks. Frowning, he searched the other cupboards as well. "What the..."

This had to be Ivan's doing. He had gone to bed later than Yao. Who knows what he'd been up to.

Yao searched the whole kitchen for something edible, but only found fruit and vegetables. He opened the fridge, and when he closed it again, he saw a note pinned to the door with a magnet. The title read 'How to Care for a Panda'. It appeared to be a list of rules or guidelines. Yao's heart stopped at the very first one.

 _#1. No biscuits_


	2. No Biscuits

When Ivan opened his eyes, he yelped so loud some birds jumped up from a nearby tree. He looked right into two dark eyes with black circles under them. And those eyes did not look happy. "Ivan."

Ivan swallowed. "Good morning?"

Yao leaned even closer. "What have you been doing last night?"

"Work?" He crawled backwards, but the headboard didn't let him get too far. "I had to finish some documents, remember?"

Yao squinted. "Where are the biscuits?"

"...Gone?"

"Yes, I noticed that." He waved a piece of paper in front of Ivan's face. "What's this?"

Ivan cleared his throat. "It's a list of guidelines."

"Guidelines for what?"

"How to care for a panda."

Yao read the list out loud. "One, no biscuits. Two, regulated sleeping and nap times, with a minimum of eight hours at night. Three, panda needs at least 30 minutes of (mild) exercise per day."

Ivan sat up a little. "Your health hasn't been too great lately. It's time to make some changes."

"...Leave the biscuits out of this."

"Nope." He took the list and placed it on the nightstand. "I'm still reading up on Yang deficiency, but biscuits don't seem to help towards recovery."

"Yang deficiency? I don't have..." He groaned and dropped his head on Ivan's shoulder. "You weren't asking for your sister, were you?"

" _Njet_." He smiled brightly. "With a bit of work, Yao-Yao doesn't have to be cold and tired all the time anymore."

"But..." He sighed. "Fine. I'll cooperate for a bit. But you won't get between me and my biscuits!"

"We'll see." He pulled Yao down.

"Ivan!"

"You need eight hours of sleep. You can't have gotten more than five."

"Ivan..."

"See you in three hours." He curled around Yao like a cat and closed his eyes.

Yao sighed and gave in. "Silly bear..."

* * *

When Yao was soundly asleep, Ivan slipped out of bed and got dressed. He ate, did some work and, a few hours later, he cooked a healthy brunch for Yao. He kept it warm until his panda appeared in the kitchen.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, for far too long." He pinned the note back onto the fridge. "If I'm going to go along with this, I want to have a say in the rules."

"Of course." He scooped rice into a bowl. "I just want Yao-Yao to be happy and healthy."

Yao sat down at the kitchen table. "Pandas are hard work, though."

"But very much worth it." He put the bowl down.

Yao smirked and picked up his chopsticks. "Good luck."

Ivan looked at the list on the fridge. Two points were added.

 _#1. No biscuits_

 _#2. Regulated sleeping times/nap times_

 _#3. At least 30 minutes of mild exercise a day_

 _#4. Obligated cuddle time_

 _#5. At least once a month panda needs to be thoroughly spoiled (panda is high-maintenance)_

Ivan smiled and kissed Yao's head. "You're on."

Yao tried to hide his blush. "Let's start right away, then."

"Good idea." Ivan lifted Yao up and slid underneath him. "Let's start with the cuddles."

He leaned back against Ivan. "I think I'm going to be a very happy panda."


	3. Mild Exercise

"Anything else?"

"No, that should be all."

"Time to go then." Yao folded the grocery list and put it in his pocket. "Your turn to drive."

"We are not taking the car."

"What, you want to walk?" Yao already grabbed the car keys.

"Yes, I do."

"Have fun. I'll meet you at the market."

Ivan took the keys away from Yao. "Take another look at the list."

"The grocery list?"

"The panda list."

Yao glanced at the note on the fridge. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Point three."

"Nope."

"Panda needs at least thirty minutes of mild exercise a day."

"Nonsense."

Ivan put the car keys back on the table. "You can go by car. But I'm going to walk. And since I don't know the way around in China, I may get lost, or hurt… All alone, while you're in the car."

"It's not working." Yao picked up the keys again. "We both know that you'll get into that car with me."

"Will I?"

Yao put on his shoes and coat and waited for Ivan to do the same. He unlocked the car and waited in the driver's seat, but this time Ivan didn't follow his example. "You're not going to walk."

"I am."

"It's thirty minutes to the market. You don't know the way."

"If only I had someone to guide me. See you later." Ivan set off down the road.

Yao huffed and stuck his keys in the ignition. He'd come around. It was way too dangerous for Ivan to walk around like that. He might get robbed or lost, and then he wouldn't be home in time for dinner and he'd go hungry…

Yao jumped out of the car and ran after Ivan. "Fine! But I remember point four on the list, and I'll be claiming it as my reward later."

"I can't object to that." Ivan wrapped an arm around Yao's shoulders.

"I'm feeling my legs already."

"We both know that you have a bit more endurance than this."

"That's… That's different!"

Ivan kissed his head. "It's only 28 minutes more."

"I'm dying… Pandas don't exercise either. They just eat and sleep and look cute all day."

"You really are a panda then."

"Except for the cute part."

" _Especially_ the cute part."

"Ivan, I'm 4,000 years old."

"Exercise gives you energy for cuddling. And for finishing your work more quickly so you can get more cuddling."

Yao sighed and rested his head against Ivan's shoulder. "How much longer?"

"27 minutes. You know what's very important when you exercise?"

"What is?"

"Food."

Yao perked up. "Food?"

"You need to refuel your body. So, how about we pick up some dumplings on the way home?"

"The ones with egg custard?" Yao said excitedly. "The fluffy ones that melt in your mouth and overwhelm you with custard goodness?"

"If you walk the entire 30 minutes, you can have them."

Yao picked up his pace a little.

* * *

The town's market was bustling around this time of day. Ivan never tried to interfere too much; he let Yao fight things out in rapid Chinese. He just carried whatever food item was added to the bag.

"Just a moment," Yao panted when they reached the first stalls. "This much activity can't be good for a person..."

Ivan rubbed Yao's back. "You've earned the dumplings."

"I'm tired..."

"I'll carry you on the way back."

"No way." Yao took out the grocery list and headed for the first stall.

Ivan picked up a crop of Chinese cabbage. "This one?"

Yao took it from him, studied it, shook it a bit. "It's good."

Ivan picked up an aubergine next. "This one?"

Yao took it as well and tapped it. "No." He practically threw it back with the rest and tapped around for a better one.

Ivan waited patiently. "I can go ahead to the supermarket to buy some water."

Yao nodded. "And while you're there, also buy some—" He stopped and blushed.

"No biscuits, remember?"

"How could I forget..."

Ivan kissed his cheek. "Meet back here?"

"Half an hour. Go."

* * *

Ivan carried the two plastic bags with big water bottles along. He didn't see Yao initially. He waited around for a bit and sent a text before he spotted a small bundle of panda.

Yao was dozing off by the side of the road, groceries in his lap. Ivan lowered himself next to him. "Ready for the walk home?"

"Dumplings..."

"Oh, right! Come on, let's buy some warm dumplings and go home, da?"

Yao nodded and pushed himself up with some help from Ivan. Like a zombie, he dragged himself to the nearest place to buy dumplings and came back with a whole bag filled with them.

"I can carry the groceries."

"Nonsense." He stretched. "I don't like this exercise thing..."

"We're 30 minutes away from the couch."

"That's 30 too many." He started dragging his feet in the direction of home. "I'm not moving for a week."

"In a week we'll try out running."

"I swear I'll suffocate you in your sleep."

Ivan kept chatting, but Yao's responses grew increasingly shorter as his pace became slower and more sluggish. "25 more minutes."

Yao groaned.

"I can carry you."

"No."

Ten minutes later, Ivan was carrying Yao on his back, holding all the grocery bags as well. His panda kept nodding off until he finally fell asleep. Ivan kept a steady pace so he wouldn't wake up.

Yao dreamed of a large pile of biscuits, so large that he could swim in it. Ivan was there too, and there was lots of cuddling, and biscuits, and cuddling, and… He woke up when Ivan set the groceries down to open the door. "I'm awake."

"You have the keys."

Yao fetched the keys from his pocket and stuck them in the door. Ivan carried him inside and let him slide onto the couch. "You know what's really nice after a tough exercise?"

"No?" Yao looked around for the bag with dumplings.

"A hot bath."

Yao jumped up, though somewhat stiffly. "I run the bath, you get those dumplings ready." He ran up the stairs, panting a little.

"Aha. New exercise idea..." Ivan stored the groceries away and took the dumplings upstairs. He smelled lavender and other essential oils.

Yao had it all figured out. He relaxed in the warm water, breathing in the oils, his hair neatly tied up, not a care in the world. Except for the lack of dumplings.

Ivan undressed and slipped in behind Yao, setting the bag on the edge of the tub. It was time for point four: obligated cuddle time. "You're practically ready to walk a marathon."

"Very funny." He opened the bag and handed Ivan a dumpling before biting down in one himself. He closed his eyes as the sugary cream came flowing out.

"You do know that this is worse than biscuits?"

"I'm not listening." He moved his legs. "This is going to hurt tomorrow..."

"You're officially the most active panda in the world."

"And you, honey bear?"

He curled himself around Yao. "Just because I hibernate doesn't mean I don't exercise."

"Good. Because every step that I take, you'll have to take too."

"Let's not do it the other way around, I don't want to cause a panda's death."

Yao splashed water at him. "You think I can't handle it?"

"I can't see you lifting weights anytime soon, no."

"You're on."

Ivan smirked and rubbed Yao's sore legs. "One step at a time."


End file.
